Let it be known!

I did a personality test today. The results totally freak me out ahaha.

Your type is known as the Champion type, which is part of the larger group called idealists. Nothing occurs that does not have some deep and ethical significance in your eyes. You see life as an exciting drama. You are very charismatic, yet tend to be too harsh on yourself for not being as genuine as you think you should be. 3% of the population shares your type.
As a romantic partner, you need to talk about what is going on in your life. You are a strong supporter for your partner's efforts to grow and change and be happy. You need to feel that same support from your partner. Expressive, optimistic, and curious, you are eager to enjoy new experiences with your partner, whom you wish to be your confidant and soul mate, as well as play mate. You are uncomfortable sharing negative emotion, though, and tend to withdraw from confrontation and process your feelings privately. You feel most loved when your partner appreciates your creativity, accepts your uniqueness, and sees you as the compassionate person you are. You need to hear your partner tell you how much you mean to them and would love if they did thoughtful spontaneous things to demonstrate it.

(no subject)

I'm selling my ED books. i live in canada and am not too sure on shipping. i'd ship anywhere in the world but rates would go up. i'm estimating about ten dollars, but i can find out the shipping on every item for your location. i'd take them to the post office and weigh it and such, then send you the change from the ten dollars in the package with the book, along with the receipt. all books are relatively new. i've read them but i don't write in them or dog-ear pages. you might find a few post-its inside, though. prices are negotiable. i'm not exactly looking to make a profit, i'm just selling them for what i got them for, or a few bucks below that. all by paypal, pleassse. will ship as soon as i receive payment.

1. Next To Nothing: A Firsthand Account Of One Teenager's Experience With An Eating Disorder. By Carrie Arnold;
5 USD; 6.25 CAD. Ships for approx 10 dollars; will adjust accordingly and mail you the change.
2. Diary of an Anorexic Girl by Morgan Menzie.
6 USD; 7.50 CAD. (Shipping applies, as stated previously.)
3. Stick Figure by Lori Gottlieb.
12 USD; 15 CAD (+ shipping)
4. Second Star To The Right; Deborah Hautzig (my personal favourite)
5 USD; 6.25 CAD (+ shipping)
5. Hunger Point; Jillian Medoff *unread.
12 USD; 15CAD (+shipping)
6. Skinny; Ibi Kaslik
10 USD; 12.50 CAD (+ shipping)
7. Skin: A Novel; Adrienne Maria Vrettos *also pretty good. i wish I could read it again, but i don't really have the time.
5 USD; 6.25 CAD (+ shipping)


So, if you're interested...
1. Which book would you like.
2. Where are you located.
3. Email your paypal address/inquiries/shipping address to youremywaterloo@msn.com

thanks, conor.

Were you surprised that we never spoke?
Then in the still of the night, when nothing stirs
I woke and I gathered up some clothes
I never planned on this but it's the way it goes
And now it all seems so familiar
Like pages turned on calendars
We get the same twelve months to fuck things up
Year after year
And I can't believe how down I am
Like the well I'm being lowered in, now water stops,
The bucket drops us farther and farther down
Well, I guess that you never knew me
Or at least not well enough
So I fill my gut with dark red wine
Until my brain shuts off and my eyes go blind
You won't see me there in that thick black air, yeah
I'll finally make something disappear
Because I've been practicing disappearing
And I think that I've got it down
But now there is no sun, just a cellar
Nowhere is sky, it's just that black, black dirt
Expanding outwards, just echoes for answers
Not that it matters if it's back or it's forwards
Unhappy lovers with baskets of flowers
Use them as markers
The place where your bed once stood
A time when it still felt good
But you'll get that feeling back
You just need some time to drink
And so I'll fill my gut with that blood red wine
Until my insides swim and my veins unwind
I'll be lying there in that hot white air
Once that something is gone it might never reappear

is he dark enough?

Well I held you like a lover
Happy hands and your elbow in the appropriate place

And we ignored our others, happy plans
For that delicate look upon your face

Our bodies moved and hardened
Hurting parts of your garden
With no room for a pardon
In a place where no one knows what we have done

Do you come
Together ever with him?
And is he dark enough?
Enough to see your light?
And do you brush your teeth before you kiss?
Do you miss my smell?
And is he bold enough to take you on?
Do you feel like you belong?
And does he drive you wild?
Or just mildly free?
What about me?

Well you held me like a lover
Sweaty hands
And my foot in the appropriate place

And we use cushions to cover
Happy glands
In the mild issue of our disgrace

Our minds pressed and guarded
While our flesh disregarded
The lack of space for the light-hearted
In the boom that beats our drum

Well I know I make you cry
And I know sometimes you wanna die
But do you really feel alive without me?
If so, be free
If not, leave him for me
Before one of us has accidental babies
For we are in love

Do you come
Together ever with him?
Is he dark enough?
Enough to see your light?
Do you brush your teeth before you kiss?
Do you miss my smell?
And is he bold enough to take you on?
Do you feel like you belong?
And does he drive you wild?
Or just mildly free?

What about me?
What about me?


hooray for a new year; another opportunity to fuck up
another year of bulimia and self-pity awaits me;

three bottles of blush wine downed before five;
intense conversations about happiness and anti-depressants;
your life will be so much more fun when you're happy
well, fuck you, i don't do happy;
happy would ruin my mentality, my art, and everything i stand for;
another year of solitude;
another year of regret;
another year closer to death;
another year of drugs, purging, and cutting;
a new year of writing, of best friends, of borders and boundaries;
another new year of worthless hookups and crap apologies;
another new year of correspondences, of disorder and chaos;
another year of pretending for the pretentious; another year of fucked up sleep patterns;
another year lost to my crutches; i don't mind one bit.

(no subject)

i spent the evening comforting crying flat mate and drinking skim milk from the carton. i spent the night high as shit, talking to marie, and taking bad photographs. i tossed and turned for hours, to be woken by the flat mate's alarm clock screaming from 60 feet away. this is a day that i've been dreading for quite a long time now. this is the day where i get to write an 8 page essay, entirely. a research paper. shitfuck. i haven't picked my subject; i have a feeling i'm going to be stuck at the library for a very, very long time tonight. i just want to come home, and be high, and celebrate being young, and being alive. is that such a crime?!

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(no subject)

i keep sleeping, and sleeping, and sleeping. i've slept my life away. i've missed two days of school this week, because i can't drag myself out of bed.
i dreamed of an underground lair kidnapping with very bright coloured clothing and different hiding places that lead to other lairs.

i want to escape.

(no subject)

the cold, navy sky begins to lighten long after i wake. the level of the coffee in the pot lowering until it is once more refilled. the windows of the apartment building facing mine begin to light up. the red sky in the morning indicates 'sailor's warning.' the bare tree outside my window houses a nest of birds, each one waking cheerfully to their mother, as i sit in my bed alone, settled in my own nest of duvets and blankets. the street below me roars with cars and buses and businessmen rushing to their offices, to their deadlines, to their priorities, to their destinies. 

the world is my oyster, and you are my pearl.

(no subject)

i am certain that at any given time, there will always be someone around me in the midst of a crisis.
breathe.
we're alive despite it all.